Shoulder to Shoulder

I have often used information acquired from the book "Love and Respect," by Dr.Emerson Eggeriches as a basis for some of my articles.  I’m going to do it once again in today’s article.  However, I can attest to the fact, in this case I have practiced what he preaches.

You see, there is a reference he uses about “shoulder to shoulder” relationships.  These are most often found in male relationships.  Men working together or the way the often socialize.  Sometimes they don’t need to say much at all.  It is the fact that they are sharing in a situation that is the bond, not so much the verbal communication.

While on vacation a few years ago I put this to the test – along with a few of Eggeriches other recommendations.  Before I tell you the results, I have to give you a brief rundown of our usual vacations.

Ordinarily I would sit down prior to the vacation and scan all the literature I can and make note of all the things I’d like to do.  I confess I still did fold over a few pages hoping my husband would look at them prior to leaving for South Carolina. – He did not.  – Then upon arrival I’d pick up more literature to see what other happenings may not have been printed in my other literature.  From those I add to my list the things I think we should do and if he makes no comments after looking at it – grunts don’t count – I start scheduling as many things as I can.

This trip I gave my husband the list of some of the things I wanted to do and asked him to plan our week.  His idea of planning was to put an “OK” by everything he was interested in doing.  That cut the list down quite a bit.

I got the point that his idea of a vacation was more to rest and relax, not sightsee and shop.  So, I scheduled only the things he had okayed.  That left us with a great deal of time for R & R. 

We did a lot of lazing on the beach and by the pool.  There was another part of the “Shoulder to Shoulder” concept that does not come as easily to most women – silence.  It wasn’t that I couldn’t talk.  It was that I wanted to find the peace of just being together and enjoying one another’s company.

Wow!  It was a surprising experience.  Difficult, but surprising.  Occasionally my husband would reach over and grasp my hand.  Or, run his fingers gently up and down my inner arm – something that I find especially relaxing.  And before you know it, he even initiated conversation.  I’m not even sure what we talked about, but we didn’t talk a lot about home or work.  Well, it was almost impossible not to talk about it at all with everything we had going on at the time, but it was very limited.

Along with all the R & R and the three things we scheduled we ended up doing some sightseeing and shopping.  Ironic isn’t it?  The things I had thought he didn’t want to do, were the things he ended up suggesting.

Our vacation turned out to be extremely satisfying.   We both hope to return to Hilton Head Island again someday.  It wasn’t just the fact it was a lovely place, it was the joy we shared being there shoulder to shoulder.