IN SEARCH OF A GOOD NIGHT SLEEP

I’ve probably mentioned my trouble sleeping before. Though, I’m not sure I’ve mentioned the many ways I have tried to achieve that sleep. Lately, though, it hasn’t been sleep as much as the horrible dreams I have. In my bedtime prayer, I have asked God to PLEASE give me sweet, peaceful dreams.

 

All right, He did reduce the fear-filled race against time as a terrorist or assassin chase me. I am usually using super human skills to stay just ahead of death, while at the same time protecting babies or puppies. Worse, at some point in the nightmare I realize someone I love is working with the evil being chasing me. We are about to have a confrontation when I awaken to a mixture of outrage and terror.

I increased my prayers, then remembered the empty box. For those of you who have not read my previous posts, the empty box is a place where men go. When you see a man with a blank stare, there is a good chance he is in his empty box. Go to YouTube and search “Empty Box,” to learn more.

I decided to search for my empty box, certain woman must have them too; so that when I finally slept, I’d be in a place where nothing could touch me. In my mind, I went to a door – yes, I know a box doesn’t have a door. Just go with me. I open the door hoping to find an empty place, then close it quickly because there seems to be a party going on.

I think, empty, empty, empty as I continue searching. Soon I see a beautiful cherry box, with a cushioned white satin lining. Yikes! I wasn’t in search of that much peace.

I needed another technique. I tried thinking about a peaceful place. Some might think about floating on fluffy clouds or a raft in the middle of a rippleless lake with birds softly chirping as they fly overhead. I instead, have my go-to imaginary favorite place: in a hammock between two palm trees, a gentle breeze keeping me from getting too warm on a perfect sunny day, and the sound of the waves lulling me to sleep.

I smile, enjoying this vision, until one cloud appeared in the blue sky above me. Soon another joined

it, quickly followed by more, casting shadows over me. Soon the breeze picked up rocking my resting place so much I had to hold on to keep from falling out.. The white fluffy clouds turned dark and threatening. The lull of the gentle waves became a roar of a freight train heading right at me.

I open my eyes and I see a wall of sea in the distance quickly approaching. While coconuts begin falling like a cannonball attack, I jump from my hammock and begin running for high ground. But since I’m at the beach, there is nothing but lowlands, a boardwalk and hotels. I race into the hotels, bypassing the casino floor and heading for the elevator to get to the highest floors, hoping water wouldn’t reach me. There is a long line of people who must have been forewarned, so I race up the stairs.

Okay, my superhuman sleep-time strength gets me farther than I’d make it in real life, but eventually, I awaken out of breath, knowing any second, I’d be drowning in salt water.

When I regain my composure, and assure myself it is another nightmare, I decide I really don’t want to sleep. I try to keep my eyes open to prevent any chance of more nightmares. My eyelids get heavy so I get up from bed and walk around.

After a time, I return to bed and after more prayers I dare to close my eyes. I decide my nightmares could have something to do with the type of evening TV I watch – too many suspenseful cop shows. Instead, I decide to remove that from my mind with pleasant thoughts. I resort to my old standard pre-sleep ritual and begin counting. Not sheep, rather a wide assortment of animals. Only to make them less threatening I color them with beautiful pastels. One: pink alligator, Two: yellow rhinos, Three: blue emus, Four: lilac lions.

At some point it must have worked, because I finally did fall asleep. Not the dreamless sleep I’d hoped for, but dreams of two toddlers and me. We were playing with hamsters. Not pink, green or yellow. Just plain hamsters. We were having fun, laughing, and chasing the furry creatures as they raced around the room. Not a bad dream.

I guess you can guess what I’ll be doing when I got to bed tonight. Let me see: orange orangutans; lavenders lamas, and teal seals, just might be part of it. 

PRAYERS AND APOLOGIES

I don’t know how many of you say prayers at night. For me it is the time to summarize my day and apologize for any bloopers that may have offended God that day. Believe me, I have too many of those.

Last night in the process of my prayers I ended up getting myself into quite a conundrum. I started out okay. I always praise God for His greatness and forgiveness. I went through a long list of things I am thankful for.

As always, I prayed about how thankful I was that he sent His Son to be my Savior. It was at this point I started rambling. I was trying to put myself in God’s position of giving His Son to die for me. How difficult a thing it would be to do for anyone, but especially for a person so undeserving as me. Then multiply that by the fact he did it for every undeserving being there ever was.

Okay, as if that wasn’t enough, my mind took me to all the negative things going on in the world. Add to that all the bad things that have taken place in history. It was very depressing and sad thinking the God I love had to watch all of it.

Now the way my brain works, I started thinking, and rambling on about how God knows all, even the future, and I thought about how horrible it must be for Him to know not only what bad things we have done and are doing, but also the things still undone, that will be done.

By this time, I was in my thoughts so deep I had stopped praying for myself and found myself praying for God. I was asking for Him to have the strength to endure all that He must have on His shoulders. I was asking that He have comfort and peace, though how He could was beyond my perception.
Then it hit me. God is all powerful. There is nothing – NOTHING – He can’t do. His Greatness is beyond our ability to understand. As are His strength and power.

At that point my prayer took a real swing. I mean, was I insulting God by praying for Him? Were my thoughts of empathy suggesting He needed anything? Could my genuine caring prayer seem more like I was putting myself above God, trying to give Him what I thought He needed?

Yikes! I was, as they say, digging a hole and ready to bury myself. I was nearly in a state of panic.

Then I remembered, God knows my heart. He knows I was only looking at His situation through the eyes of what I knew. I know I could not carry everything He does on His shoulders. It is unimaginable to me. Because I am human.

But He is God. He can handle anything. Nothing is too large for my God.

I suspect He was smiling as He listened to my prayer last night. He understood what I was trying to say and I’m sure He took to offense. I still care very much for my Creator. I am saddened He has done so much and gotten so little in return. I am thankful He still loves me and others through all our faux paus of life. And He will never be anything but All Mighty.