Perception is Anything You Let it Be

“Perception is Reality”, Tom Peters wrote in one of his many self-help books.  I believe that.  I’ve taught that to others.  However, I also believe that perception is anything you let it be.  And unless it is reality you have the power to change it.

That may seem a twist on words, but think about it.  What you believe is very real to you.  That does not necessarily make it so.  The mind can play many tricks on you.  The person standing outside your window watching you may not really be a threat.  I’ve jumped many times prepared to scream, only to laugh when I realized the face I saw was my own reflection looking back at me.

That does not mean we shouldn’t ere on the side of caution.  Certainly prepare to run if a shadow seems like a person jumping out to grab you. –  It just might be. –   I would never tell anyone to go through life double checking every seeming threat before reacting.  I am just saying double check before you run home, lock the doors and hide under the bed.  Otherwise you might have a very long night hiding from your own shadow.

There are also perceptions that are even more dangerous to us.  It is those perceptions we may hold about our family, friends and even ourselves.  Is there someone who you feel is out to sabotage your relationship with another?  Or, could it be that the reality is they feel less than you and have the need to make themselves look better?  Or, even more likely the reality might be that you are dealing with your own insecurities?

I chose to write about this right before the Thanksgiving holiday because there seems to be so much stress for people over the holidays.  All those past differences seem to come back to haunt us as we sit face to face around the table.  And insignificant pet peeves seem to inflate into a monumental flaws that are so annoying they drive us crazy. Sometimes those things will eventually make us laugh. We all could use that, like in this clip.

We need to put it all into perspective and try to change our reality by looking at things with a different perception.  Put a different slant on things.

Oh yes, some things are easier to do than others.  My mother-in-law, dear woman that she was, was like the tortoise and I the hare in the kitchen.  One time I gave her the task of putting the leftover butter into a container.  She scraped and she smoothed for quite a long time, while I was waiting to put dishes into the cabinet where she was standing.  When I started to get irritated wanting to tell her to just slap the butter into the container and put a lid on it, I stopped and looked at it from what might have been her perception.  She has an artistic flare and probably wanted the butter to be just right for the next time we used it.  Her work of art was a gift to us.

Okay, that is a much easier thing to get over than perhaps facing the sister who stole your boyfriend when you were in high school, who you still feel wants everything that is yours.  Maybe it is reality, but you can perceive it as a threat to you, or as pity for her because what you have you intend to keep.  The way you react to that situation should change with the way you perceive it.

Arm yourself with the skills to change your perception.   Below you will find some books I hope will help.  You may not be able to obtain them to help you through Thanksgiving, but they could help make the next holiday even brighter.

When the Woman is a Writer, Lookout!

I have seen so many posts on social media about how a woman’s mind works, jumping from one thing to another, sometimes several at the same time. My husband and I used to take long trips, and on one of those trips I’d acquired an alter ego who I named Dewietta. He was Dewie.

She, as a woman, had the ability to switch topics quite frequently, while poor Dewie sat fairly silent, pretending to listen. Sound familiar?

A typical conversation might go like this. “Dewie, I’m so tired lately. I just don’t know how I manage to get up in the morning. Oh, did you see that car. It’s in worse shape than ours. Too many cars are rundown since inspections are only once a year. Imagine states that have no inspections. I’ll bet their cars are a sorry sight. Our car certainly isn’t what it should be. Remember when we took care of things right away. I guess that was before children. Did you see Junior lately? He called the other day and told me he’s been so busy at the garage. Can’t imagine why, since no one gets their cars fixed anymore. Maybe it’s because we have more cars. You know that isn’t healthy for the environment. All that carbon monoxide in the air. That’s another thing that was nice back in the day. Speaking of our children, I really miss Sally. Since she graduated I haven’t seen hide nor hair of her. I have to go to the store where she works if I want to see her and pretend to be a shopper. You know I saw a really nice pair of shoes while I was there. Oh, Dewie, look out! A big pot hole. No wonder cars are in such bad shape. Probably why Junior is so busy. Imagine what it will be like once winter is over. . .”

I guess you get the idea of a ride with Dewietta. She would talk on and on stopping only when she needed to take a breath. And every so often she’d would turn to Dewie with this gem. “Dewie, why don’t you ever talk to me? You need to join the conversation so I know you are listening to me. You are listening to me, aren’t you?”

You have to admit, that sounds familiar. It is a normal conversation, taken to the extreme.  Our alter egos would continue until one of three things happened, 1. We reached our destination. 2. We made a rest stop or to eat. 3. My voice would give out. All in all it was harmless fun. Ken seemed to enjoy it, too. Often he was the one to instigate the conversation. Of course that conversation starter was pretty much all he said during the trip.

In reality, I may not jump from one subject to another that drastically when I hold a conversation, but it is how my mind works, and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only woman who can say that. One of my favorite explanations about this phenomenon is on YouTube. I felt I had to share it:

You had to see this to understand the “Empty Box.” Ken, and other men, have the strange ability to go inside their “Empty Box,” nearly any time they want. If they seal the box after entering it is hard for anything from the outside to gain their attention. This explains why so often wives think their husbands aren’t listening. It even happens to mothers talking to their sons, though I think the box isn’t fully sealable until their sons are fully grown. Kind of like the soft spot on a baby’s head.

If you think about it, it also explains why when you talk to sons, often they have forgotten what you said within minutes of you saying it. They might even swear you never said it. That is because what you said, fell through the cracks of their not fully formed box. On the other hand, a grown man never did hear it. His closed box let no sound of a female voice inside. And a woman’s only hope of reaching him would be to crawl inside and say what you have to say. Which, of course, is physically impossible.

Now I have a theory on all this, a woman can no longer stop herself from paying attention to several things at one time, than a man can pay attention of what a woman says when he is inside the box. Why? You might ask. Well, it is because God made us that way.

You see, this also explains why Eve found herself in a world-changing predicament when in the Garden of Eden.  God had told them not to eat the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil, but after he said it, her mind began to wander. “What if I do eat the fruit? It could be by accident. I might find myself starving and need to eat and the only thing I find is the fruit from that tree. What if my husband is starving? Come to think of it, he has been awfully quiet lately. I wonder if he’s ill. . .

Now Satan, always ready to find a human’s weak point only added to her frenzied thoughts, giving her many reasons why she could eat that dreaded fruit. He played on her distracted mind.

However, being a good wife, the precursor to the TV show of the same name, she depended on her husband to have the answers. Only when she asked him, he failed to respond. After several attempts to get his attention, she gave the situation some thought. In her mind it was urgent that she get answers. What if Adam truly was ill? What if she was about to lose her beloved companion and she didn’t give him the fruit that might save him?

Then it occurred to her, thanks to the willingness of one male to talk to her, if she ate the fruit, she could test it first to see what happened. Out of love, she did just that. She did it for her husband’s sake. Wouldn’t God be proud? She’d put her life on the line for the man God had given her to. And once she survived, she took the fruit to Adam, hoping to save him.

When Adam finally came out of the box, he probably wondered what was going on. Eve had to be different. And she’d wanted him to eat the delicious fruit she said would make him feel better than ever.

Well, we all know what happened after that.  All because Adam went inside his box. If he’d been paying attention when Eve expressed her concerns, the world today would be a different place. A better place.

Okay, now back to what I started in the beginning. No maybe not. I think just by reading this entire article, you pretty much understand what I’ve been trying to say.

The mind of a woman is different from a man. She can’t help it and neither can he. But if the woman just happens to be a writer, there is no way of knowing where a thought will lead. It’s like one spark starting a forest fire.

I hope this helps husbands better understand their wives. And I hope wives will better understand, they need one spark to burn the box, so her husband will pay attention forever.

Now you all understand.

Below are some Pam Garlick novels you might like: